In depth response to a common question on how to support a friend or family member going affected by infertility.

Your compassion is evident in your question.  While you cannot alleviate the core of her grief, you can offer your support in gentle ways that let her know the door is open, you can run interference for her in family gatherings, you can offer a relationship with you, when loss of relationship is the primary cause of her pain.

An additional medical opinion, attained by consulting a different (and qualified) physician, is an excellent way to expand one's understanding of the issues involved with infertility and IVF.

My husband I are in our early 30's and have been married for 6 years. We are both very active and healthy and it never crossed our minds that I would not be able to get pregnant when we were ready.

I just want to get the holiday season over as quickly as possible and pretend its not happening. My husband wants to decorate and do more of the normal things we used to do before infertility. How do I handle this?

For many infertile women, it starts in October, with visions of tiny goblins and superheros and the dread only grows from there through November and December.  Recognize that it is normal for you to struggle through these end-of-the-year holidays.  I haven’t met an infertile woman who hasn’t.  The dread itself becomes as stressful as the events and festivities.  So, one of the things I observe be consistently helpful, is face your pain and concerns rather than letting the fear and dread loom larger.  The sooner you can begin to plan and decide what you can handle and what will help, the more you can find some peace and a sense of control in what can feel like a helpless situation.

How do I handle attending family gatherings where babies are present when I’m having difficulty getting pregnant and attempting fertility treatment?

Your question raises two issues:  first there is a disagreement between you and your husband about what the two of you, as a couple, should do.  Then, once you have made your decision, what and how much do you tell the families?